re-enrolling

I sent in my re-enrollment papers the other day. I requested South or Central America, so we'll see what kind of invitation comes my way.

on gratitude

I am home. Well, I'm staying with my little sister and her husband, who have been generous enough to let me use their extra room during this transition. Transition to what? I don't know...
I haven't made any firm decisions yet because I'm still jet-lagged and foggy-brained, but I am thinking of re-enrolling and trying to go to South America. Or maybe I'll stay here and learn to teach yoga. Who knows?

I arrived in LA last Thursday and attended my grandmother's memorial on Friday. I was exhausted and teary, but very comforted by the presence of my family. As I've said before, this whole evacuation has been difficult and jarring, but my family has been so supportive and I feel so grateful.

It's funny being back home. Everything is so clean and organized and well-labeled here. (I love going to the grocery stores!) But I am not experiencing the culture shock that I thought I would. Even after two months in Niger, I was completely overwhelmed by coming home to such vastly different living conditions. Now, maybe since I've done it before, I'm just recognizing the difference without too much surprise.
It's funny how quickly I can fall into old routines and rituals. Even though I have been brushing my teeth outside with a water bottle, squatting over a latrine, and taking bucket baths for the past three and a half months, it's pretty easy to go back to the luxuries of running water, toilets and showers. However, now, when I am doing these things, I am silently acknowledging the change, and I am grateful to be able to perform these rituals in both ways.

People keep asking me what I've learned from this experience. I tell them compassion and patience. (Well, these were things I knew already, but like most people, continually forget. Life is about forgetting and remembering and forgetting again!)
I have also learned how to carry water on my head, how to wash clothes with a washboard, how to use a latrine sans toilet paper, and how to teach math (shout-out to Madame Emily here!)
People keep asking me what is next. I don't know yet. But I will never forget my Peace Corps Guinea experience or the wonderful people I met there.

So I think I'll be leaving this blog for a while, at least until my next Peace Corps adventure, inshallah!
Please send loving vibes to Guinea, in the hopes that a democratic and non-violent government will soon be possible, and that Peace Corps can soon return to help out with the other stuff.
I am thankful to all of you for your support.
Love and peace,

Jess

on the way home

I am at the Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris after my 5 hour flight from Bamako. It's 7:15 am here and still dark! And it's very cold... 10 degrees Celsius outside. I don't know the conversion for that, but I know it's "butt cold," as my dad would say. So that's pretty weird after about 7 straight months of heat and early sunrises.
I am looking forward to going back to Arizona in the autumn. The heat has ended, but it's not too cold.

So I just changed 20 dollars into about 10 euros and spent all of it on the following three items: a Coke zero, a small water bottle, and 30 minutes online. So expensive. Especially after living on about 1 dollar a day in Guinea and 2 dollars a day in Mali.

I feel disoriented and tired and dehydrated. My last day in Bamako was insane. I had to do a lot of things for my medical and admin clearance to close my Peace Corps service. It was a vrai bordel, quoi!
I was on the edge of tears all day. I guess I was just tired and ready to go and it was hard to say goodbye to my friends. And as uncomfortable and difficult as Africa can be, I cried a little as the wheels of the plane came off the ground. I don't know what it is, this attachment I have to Africa. I know I will be back one day, inshallah!

Speaking of inshallah, I know I picked up all kinds of mannerisms with my speech, especially in French. Instead of saying "d'accord," now I say "awa," which is the same thing in like every West African language-- it means "okay."
I also do the typical African "eh!" to express surprise. Or I say things like "alhamdulilaye," or random things in Fulani, like "si Allah jabi," which is just like "inshallah," or "if God wills it." They say this all the time in Guinea.
Oh and I say "walai," too, which I also picked up in Niger. It's just like "I swear." I'll say stuff like "il fait chaud, walai!" = "it's hot, I swear!"
It's a real wake up call, hearing real French on the airplane. French French. I may have picked up an African accent in French too. C'est grave, walai!

Well I need to go because my 3 euro internet half hour is almost up. See you soon, America.
A bientot, Afrique, si Allah jabi!

coming home

I am flying home tonight.
Peace Corps decided to officially suspend the Guinea program. I have decided to come home and re-evaluate my options.
Once I'm home, I can re-enroll and get another assignment. I have decided to do this rather than transfer directly to another country because I don't feel emotionally ready to make such a committment.
The whole experience has been incredibly jarring, and I decided that I needed some time at home before jumping back into another program.

The Peace Corps people from Washington have been helpful and supportive. They are flying me out a few days early so that I can attend my grandmother's memorial service on Friday.

I am looking forward to: seeing my family, eating fresh food, drinking good water, sleeping without a mosquito net, taking a hot shower and getting some good coffee!
See you soon.

the night of the petrified frog

So it rained all day yesterday. In fact, there was a rather apocalyptic storm that knocked down a pretty large tree in the compound. And I thought rainy season had ended!
It was a beautiful and terrible storm and I wanted to sit outside to watch it, to feel the rain on my face. But it became too violent and I took refuge in my hut, closing the shutters against the rain and the wind.
I was alone in the hut and I felt slightly scared, like a child again, afraid that the thunder would crack the world open and that I would fall into the crack.
Anyway, the rain continued into the night and it was actually chilly outside. I lay in my bed, covered only by a pagne (2 meters of African fabric), which is usually a sufficient cover. Around 4 am, however, I woke up feeling cold and so I reached down for the nasty wool cover down by my feet, which was half on the floor and half on the end of the bed. I pulled it over myself and as I arranged it over my body, I felt something hard in the folds. I turned on my flashlight and saw a petrified frog!
Now I'm no veterinarian, but I'm pretty sure this frog died of dehydration... about a week ago.
So I tossed the frog and went back to sleep.
The end.

lizards, latrines, and other crazy things

I am still in Mali, still in limbo. I don't want to talk about the Peace Corps politics or about my future because I know nothing about either, so I'll talk about fun stuff like lizards, latrines, ducks, bats, and things of that sort.

So we're living in these little clusters of huts in Tubaniso, which means "village of white people," the Mali Peace Corps training compound. There are pit latrines everywhere, which is pretty normal here in Africa. I have grown used to them, and in some ways, prefer them over western toilets. They are basically holes in the ground. You just squat over them, do your business, and move on.
But I have developped this irrational fear of falling into one.
Well, it's not that irrational because we actually have a Guinea volunteer who fell into his latrine. I mean, not in the hole, because the hole is too small, but his latrine actually collapsed into itself and he fell into this ten foot pit of poo and other disgusting things. He somehow managed to climb out. I have no idea how.
So sometimes I think of him when I'm squatting over the latrine. I look into the hole and see all kinds of unpleasantness. Worms and maggots and bugs and poo. It looks, quite literally, like a pit of hell. I guess it's a bad idea to look down, but I always do. Then I start thinking about the possibililty that the cement on which I am standing might be starting to rot away under my weight. I think about falling in. So I hurry up and do my thing and get out of there.
Oh yeah, but we actually take showers in the latrines too. So my showers are fast. I don't want to linger in there...

So the other day, there was a baby duck in one of the latrines behind my hut. I mean, he wasn't in the poo hole or anything. He was running in circles around it. It was so cute. I hope he didn't fall in.
Frogs, however, are the most regular latrine visitors. I usually have to chase out 3-5 frogs before squatting. Or sometimes, I just let them hang out with me while I'm squatting. Crazy frogs. The other day I was showering and the soapy water wasn't draining out the hole in the side of the latrine. I looked to see why it was clogged, and of course there was a frog sitting there. I wondered if it was dead. It blinked at me. Nope. Just blocking the drain, taking a bath in my shower water. I shooed it away because you know that excess water weight might just crack the cement and the whole thing would collapse.

Oh and there are lizards and salamanders and bats everywhere.

The end.

day 6 in Mali

We still don't know much about this situation, but a Peace Corps rep from the states is flying in today and we'll be meeting with him tomorrow to discuss our options.
The US Embassy has suspended its work in Guinea, which suggests that Peace Corps will suspend as well.
We learned yesterday that Liberia is willing to take all of the evacuated Guinea math/science teacher volunteers, as they need volunteers to re-open their education program. I think a lot of the education volunteers, new and old, are considering this option.
I don't know much about Liberia, except for the official language is English. I might consider this option as well. Other options include Mali, Togo, Benin and Niger.
I am also considering "interrupted service," which would mean I would go home and wait for another position, possibly in another region. However, if I don't do a direct transfer within the region, I will have to commit to another PST (PreService Training) and two full years.

These options are running through my mind, but I am calm and I know that I will make the right choice when the time comes.
I am a little sick (stomach stuff) and tired, but I have been doing yoga every day, which helps me to feel centered and balanced. After yoga this morning, I sent love all over the whole world!
Did you feel it?

Oh and I put some pictures on my flickr: www.flickr.com/photos/moxie469

better today

So yesterday was probably my hardest day in Africa, emotionally speaking. But the storm passed, as it always does, and I woke up today feeling strong. I started reading my journal, and I found what I had written on October 6th, the day before I was evacuated to Mali. I was surprised with my own wisdom. Sometimes it's like that. Present Jess says thanks to past Jess for doing something or writing something helpful. So thanks, past Jess. Present Jess will keep working to make it better for a future Jess! So here is what I wrote the other day:

October 6, 2009
I am not attached to any particular outcome. I will go to Mali tomorrow, remembering that I am peace, patience and love. I will accept the present moment and love the present moment. I will take care of myself and be a comfort to others.
I opened Conversations with God, and found this today: "But judge not, and neither condemn, for you know not why a thing occurs, nor to what end. And remember this: that which you condemn will condemn you, and that which you judge, you will one day become. Rather, seek to change those things-- or support others who are changing those things-- which no longer reflect your highest sense of Who You Are. Yet bless all-- for it is the creation of God, through life living, and that is the highest creation."
This applies to my current situation because I was struggling to understand the violence in Conakry, the evacuation, and everything else in my life. I am now making a conscious effort not to judge it, only to help and or change the situations that I can change.

On my last night in Timbo, I sat on my porch alone in the dark. The stars were bright and infinite. The best view of the stars I've ever seen. I am that, I thought. I am the infinite sky and the bright stars and also the fireflies that sometimes look like shooting stars, but they are here on Earth.

one year later, where will I be?

I think it was one year ago today when I had my Peace Corps interview. I was so nervous, so hopeful I would be nominated. I never imagined that a year later, I'd have already been evacuated after three months of service.
I suppose this shows you that life is completely unpredictable, in and out of Peace Corps. Who knows where I'll be a year from now! I might still be in Peace Corps, somewhere in Africa, or perhaps on another continent. I might be in the US, or even in France. I might look back on this blog and reflect again on how much things change.

For now, I'm still in Mali, completely unsure of what my next step will be.
Today, Peace Corps took us into Bamako to an "American Club" with a pool and tennis courts. I think they wanted for us to relax and unwind.
I didn't feel well today... I think I may be dehydrated. I felt like I got hit by a train. I felt exhausted and inexplicably sad about everything and nothing in particular, but I did swim a little in a sports bra and boxer shorts (I didn't pack my bathing suit in my emergency bag!) My friends in Peace Corps have been incredibly supportive.

From what I understand, some Peace Corps staff from Washington DC will be arriving on Tuesday to tell us more about our options. I will let you know then what's available to me and what I'll decide.

Oh and I have a lot of free time here, so please email me!

evacuated to Bamako, Mali

After three months in Guinea and one week at my site in Timbo, I have been evacuated, along with all other Guinea volunteers, to Mali.

If you have been following the news in Guinea, you'll know what happened on September 28th in Conakry. I won't go into detail... it was a very sad day. I was in Labe, my regional capital on that day, trying to follow the news. Two days later, I was installed in Timbo, my village, where I finally unpacked after three months of living out of my suitcase in Forecariah. The next day, I trekked up a mountain to call Peace Corps and check in because we were on "standfast." I was told we were being evacuated to Mali, and to pack up an emergency bag, label my stuff, lock my house, and tell my village that I was only going for a conference. (I think they saw through this excuse, as they have had volunteers evacuated in the strikes of 2007.)

Yesterday, a Peace Corps bus picked me up in the morning and we drove for 15 hours to Bamako, where we were warmly greeted by the Peace Corps Mali people. We are staying in small huts at their training site, which is very nice (electricity! internet! showers! ceiling fans!) and is sort of set up like a summer camp.
I don't know how long we'll be here or what the next move is. I don't know whether it will be possible to return and carry out my service in Guinea. I think that we will learn about our alternatives in the next few days. Who knows? Maybe I'll stay in Mali to volunteer here! Or maybe I will go back to the US to wait on something in another region. (?)
When I know more, I'll write more.

For now, just know that I'm safe. Just disoriented, and sorry to leave my village.

I got a new phone number that I emailed to a bunch of you. Call me. Please!
If you don't have the number, ask Joy.

I took the oath

And now I'm a Peace Corps volunteer, no longer a trainee. The ceremony was pleasant and brief. During the swearing in, our country director, Dan, gave a speech in which he quoted President Barack Obama's inaugural address:

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord. On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas that for far too long have strangled our politics...What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility -- a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character than giving our all to a difficult task.
This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

I was moved by these words and felt proud and also privileged to be able to be someone who can afford the luxury of leaving work and life in the US behind to serve for two years in a place where I can help.

I thought of who I am choosing to be in my life, who I am striving to be. The person I choose to be is responsible, compassionate, patient and flexible. The person I choose to be is love and kindess.

I remembered something I read in Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch:

You are goodness and mercy and compassion and understanding. You are peace and joy and light. You are forgiveness and patience, strength and courage, a helper in time of need, a comforter in time of sorrow, a healer in time of injury, a teacher in times of confusion. You are the deepest wisdom and the highest truth; the greatest peace and the grandest love. You are these things. And in moments of your life, you have known yourself as these things. Choose now to know yourself as these things always.

I know that sometimes, during my two years here, I might lose sight of this. I might forget my purpose and wonder what am I doing here? But I will try to remember to remind myself who I am and who I choose to be. I choose hope. I choose love.

Anyway, then we ate rice and sauce and drank mango juice! We thanked Ousmane, our incredible training manager and all of our language and technical trainers who helped us learn how to speak and function in Guinea's educational system. We thanked the current PCVs who helped us through training. Everyone has been wonderful, really.

So tomorrow we will go shopping again for gas stoves and other things for our houses, and if all goes as planned, we will go to our respective regional capitals on Sunday (mine is Labe) and then off to our respective villages on Tuesday or Wednesday.

I should have internet access in Labe as well, so feel free to email or call me in the next few days if you want.

I put more pics on flickr if you want to see them.

Peace.

if you want to send a care package...

Here are some ideas:
-Soy protein powder
-Dark chocolate M&Ms
-Earplugs (I have some but they get old and crappy really fast because of the humidity)
-Crystal light packages to put in my water bottles
-Good deodorant (like prescription/clinical strength). The only deodorant they have here is that French roll on crap or spray. And I have to wear long sleeves while teaching and teaching makes me soooo sweaty and gross. Whew.
-Headscarves (I like the ones from Sally's beauty supply-- the big ones) I pretty much always cover my head here, and I will continue to do so in Timbo since it's a pretty conservative town.

That's about it for now. I actually got paid today (YAY!) and went to buy a bunch of stuff for my site installation. I bought another phone for my other SIM card, so you can always try to reach me at both of my numbers here in case one is not working. I bought some olive oil and vinegar for cooking, and some rice pasta at the Lebanese store. I bought some school supplies too. The day after tomorrow, we are going to shop more and buy gas stoves, pots and pans, hammocks and stuff like that.

Tomorrow is swearing in. It would be lovely to hear from any of you :)
I love you all...

photos, finally

I am uploading my much anticipated photos to my flickr account. Check them out at http://www.flickr.com/photos/moxie469/

The photo above is of me giving a thank you speech in Pular at the farewell ceremony in Forecariah.

swearing in on Friday!

Well the 11 week training in Forecariah is now over and I am in Conakry, preparing to swear in as a Peace Corps volunteer on Friday, the 25th.
We had a farewell ceremony in Forecariah today, where I gave a speech in Pular to thank the host families and community for hosting us and to thank the Peace Corps trainers for teaching us local languages and how to teach in Guinea. My Pular abilities are still pretty low, so I'm sure I massacred the speech, but it's the thought that counts, right?
I'll try to post pictures of the ceremony tomorrow.

I will be here in Conakry for the next few days. I'll be buying things for my house in Timbo and getting ready for site installation. I have to get things I won't find in the villages, like a gas stove and toilet paper! I am excited to be able to live on my own after having lived all this time with a Guinean family. They were wonderful, but I do miss my independence and being able to choose my food and cook for myself.

The last few weeks of training went by so fast because I was so busy teaching summer school review courses to Guinean students. It was incredibly exhausting and difficult, but rewarding and fulfilling as well. I am looking forward to teaching my students in my village in a couple of weeks when school starts.

The rainy season is coming to a rather sudden end. Last week it was pouring constantly and now it only gets cloudy. I got so used to bringing my umbrella everywhere, it feels strange being able to leave it behind when I walk.

Here is a six word summary of the last two and half months:
rain, rice, spiders, chalk,
yoga, sleep

Mmmm. Sleep. I'm tired, so I'll write more in the next few days.

Love you all.

two months in Guinea

Yesterday was the two month mark in country. I have about two weeks left in training in Forecariah before the swearing in ceremony.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve been here for much longer than two months. I remember my going away party—saying goodbye to all of my friends. I remember the day I stepped off the plane into the rain and then into the chaos of the small customs room in Conakry. All this seems so distant.
Now that I’ve grown accustomed to things in Forecariah, it is time to change it up. I’m moving to Timbo to teach for two years!
I have already started teaching here in Forecariah. Peace Corps has us do this ingenious thing we call “Practice School,” where we get to practice teaching Guinean students for three weeks of summer review courses. We are a week and a half in. I have to say that it’s incredibly exhausting, this teaching business.
The students are excitable and hard to manage. I have been teaching 8th, 9th, and 10th graders and for the most part, they struggle with basic arithmetic. Last Friday, when I was trying to give a quiz, on of my boy students hit a girl. She hit him back and I kicked both of them out of the class. The girl left, but the boy refused to move. He kept saying, “Pardonnez-moi madame. Pardonnez-moi.” I told the class that I wouldn’t start the quiz until he was out. The class yelled at him to leave and the ‘chef de classe’ or teacher’s aide, got up to force the boy out. Then the chef de classe and the boy fought. It was 20 minutes into the class before I gave the quiz. It was an easy quiz, but very few students passed. Many students tried to cheat, although I told them the quiz was open book.
Exhausting. But I feel that it will be rewarding overall. I also feel that I have a natural knack for teaching, and I remember something I read in A Course in Miracles: "Teach only love, for that is what you are"

ready for Ramadan

Tomorrow is the first day of Ramadan and I will be observing it by fasting during daylight hours. During the day, people are not even allowed to drink water or coffee or anything. They are also not allowed to fight, insult others, think angry thoughts, engage in sexual activities, smoke, or beat their children. The point of this fast, as I understand it, is to clear and cleanse your heart from all hateful and negative thoughts and feelings. It is to forgive others and to forgive yourself and also to be forgiven.
I will make a conscious effort to remember to stay peaceful and patient and full of love, even when my stomach is screaming. Daily yoga and meditation will help.
I will, however, probably continue to drink water, discreetly, because I get dehydrated very easily and I sweat a lot in Forécariah.
My family will be fasting too, along with most of the country, so I will get up at 5 in the morning with them to eat before sunrise and I will eat dinner with them at about 7 pm, just after sundown.
Tomorrow, the first day, will probably be hard because I'll be spending 7 to 9 hours in a bush taxi on the way back from Labé to Forécariah. Bush taxis are incredibly packed and stinky and uncomfortable. But I am choosing to see it in a different light: bush taxis can also be a moving meditation, like yoga! Although I will not be free to stretch my limbs, I will be able to breathe freely and feel my heart beating. If I can concentrate on these things, rather than the outer discomfort, I will be okay. After all, I am peace and patience and love!

Please send me love and good energy for the last part of my training. Practice school starts after next week, so I'll be teaching some summer school math to prepare for the real thing in October. Feel free to send letters, too!
I send you all love every day.

post site-visit note

Just got back from my site visit in Timbo. I was in a city called Mamou for a few days for a supervisor conference, and on Sunday I went to visit Timbo-- the place that will be my home for the next 2 years. I went with a current Peace Corps volunteer, whose Guinean name is Alhassane. He has been in country for a year and he is a teacher in a nearby village called Poredaka. He was kind enough to accompany me all over the Fouta. We stayed two nights in my house in Timbo. During the days, we walked all over the village so that I could meet important people (the Sous-Prefet, the police, the principal, vice principal, the Imam of the mosque, and more) and so that I could situate the important things in town (the school, the water pump, the market, etc).
The nearest water pump to my house is about a 40 minute walk. My school is about 30 minutes. In order to get cell phone service, it's an hour walk up a mountain! Of course there's no electricity either! Timbo makes Forécariah look like a big city! But it's all good; I will be getting the real deal Peace Corps experience.

In other news, I've changed my Guinean name to a Peuhl name since I'll be living amongst the Peuhls. My name was M'Balou Camara, but in Timbo, I have introduced myself as Madame Fatoumata Binta Barry. But you can call me Binta for short! And yes, although I'm not married I do prefer Madame over Mademoiselle because it shows more respect.
Everyone in Timbo called me Madame automatically because I guess Timbo has a substantial history of Peace Corps volunteers. My host family, the Bah family of Timbo, is constantly talking about one of their old volunteers, a certain Monsieur Paul, who was apparently the best volunteer ever. Their last volunteer, a girl from Arizona, left in the 2007 evacuation after serving four months. They have been awaiting a new volunteer since.
Oh and I will be teaching 9th and 10th grade math at my school! My vice principal said that the kids at my school are "difficult." But most Fouta volunteer teachers say that the kids are pretty respectful. Alhassane said that the secret is you just have to kick someone out the first day to establish dominance!
The kids are different in the Fouta. I mentioned earlier that the "petits" in Forecariah and Conakry love to chase after white people, yelling "foté! foté!" Well the Peuhl kids are much more reserved, and are not so quick to address us as "porto."

So I am about to go explore Labe, my regional capital, so I must leave you now, my faithful friends and family. I might try to get online again tomorrow, so email me! Otherwise, my address is the same, so feel free to send real mail as well.
I love you all!
On jaarama! (That means goodbye as well!)

On jaarama!

That's a greeting in Pular, the langauge I have started to learn. I have been assigned to a town called Timbo, in the Fouta Djalon region of Guinea and I will beging teaching in October, after training for another 8 weeks.

For now, I am still in Forecariah but we came to Conakry for the day to use the internet and visit a museum.
Forecariah is an interesting town. Electricity comes on randomly for a few hours every other night or so.
I eat a lot of really spicy sauce with white rice. It's seriously soooo spicy that it is hard to eat sometimes. And you know me! I LOVE spicy food. But seriously, it's too much here.

Training is tough but I find the joy in small things like yoga, Coca-Cola and avocados. The avocados are huge here. I live with a Susu family and they have named me "M'Balou Camara." The Camara family is pretty nice, but I also spend a lot of time at the neighbors' house. My trainee friend Scotty aka "Alimatou" lives next door and I visit her a lot and eat her food! It's much less spicy! Her host sister braided my hair the other day and it looks pretty good. Only took her five hours! I will send pics next time I am in Conakry when I have more time, inshallah (God willing)
It rains a lot.
Lots of spiders.
Mouse in my room.
Chickens. Goats. Cats. Dogs.

Keep in touch! I have only got two letters so far! Thanks to Aunt Sharon and Joy!
Bon. I love you all! Bye!

I gave you all the wrong number... and don't worry about Guinea in the news

So first of all, I am leaving tomorrow morning for Forecariah for my three month training. I won't have electricity (or internet, of course). So I can be reached my letters and by phone. I gave my phone number to some of you and I want you to know, if I gave you a number ending in 97, it's wrong! The correct number ends in 92!

Bon...

Also, we just saw some stuff on BBC.com about Guinea preparing for an attack from drug cartels. Don't worry about that, please. It's a lot of hype and I am very far from any of the allegedly involved borders. I will be completely out of harm's way. My biggest threats at the moment are water parasites and mosquitoes! And I am doing everything in my power to protect myself from those things :)

I will take care of myself to the best of my ability and the universe will do the rest. C'est bon!
I love you all!

c'est bon!

"C'est bon" is one of the most common expressions here. It can be used as a question, "c'est bon?" means "is that enough?" "is that okay?" "is that cool?" or "do you get it?"
Then the answer is "c'est bon!" This can mean "it's enough," "it's all good," or "I get it."

I love the way French is spoken here, with different slang and a different accent. And I love the "franglais" mix that the current volunteers use.
And yes, everything is "bon" here so far. I am having a good time learning things about malaria, politics, local language greetings, parasites, and more. Yesterday we learned how to filter and bleach our water with the Peace Corps water filters. Today we learned how to prick our fingers to make microscope slides to send to the doctor for malaria tests. We also learned some local greetings in Susu, which is the main language for this region.

This morning I did yoga on the roof of the PCV house before breakfast. It felt great to stretch after weeks of not practicing yoga. One of my fellow trainees, an awesome girl named Scotty, came up with me and learned some sun salutations and stretches.

I just had a big fat lunch of rice and meat and a red Fanta, which tasted like bubble gum. I'm tired... After our break, we're going to learn some more Susu. So peace out, everyone. I love you all.

first entry from Guinea

I am here. It's humid and beautiful and wet. The smells and the streets and the market and so many things remind me of Niger, but it is also very different and new and unique. More green. More wet. More people.

I wish I had time to sit and describe everything. It's indescribable, of course. I have that slight nausea that I pretty much always had in Niger, but nothing serious. Not dizzy anymore (for those of you who got my first email) because the medical officer gave me electrolytes and water and told me I was dizzy because of dehydration (from the airline people being stingy with water) and low blood sugar.

Just got back from the beach. Beautiful sunset. Dirty water. Dirty dog. No electricity at bar. Being called "fote" by all random Guineans. Guess what that means! Yep. "White person." I find it amusing, and not at all offensive. Much like being called "anasara" in Niger.

I won't have internet for much longer because I'm leaving for training in a few days, so snail mail me or text me. I got a Guinean cell phone... email me before the 12th for the number. Or get it from Joy.
You can text me anytime, but if you want to call, the best time is the weekends. It's 7 hours earlier here. Please text before calling to see if I can take the call. And the cheapest thing is to search online for African phone cards and find the best rate for Guinea.

I love you all!

last night in US

Today we had a long meeting/orientation with Peace Corps. I got to meet the group that I'll be traveling with. There are 17 of us, I think, and they are all pretty cool people. A high percentage of the group will be physics teachers, and there are a few chemistry teachers, physics teachers, math teachers, and English teachers. I definitely get a good vibe from all of them and I think that we'll grow to be good friends during training.

I signed up for a correspondence with an American classroom, and I requested that my good friend Taramal, who teaches in South Phoenix, be my counterpart teacher. I think it might be good for some kids at his school to see a bigger picture of the world.

Not much else interesting to say... the meeting went over anxieties, aspirations, Peace Corps policies, safety, and travel logistics.
We are meeting early tomorrow morning to go get vaccinations in Philadelphia, then we're boarding a bus to New York and we'll be flying out tomorrow evening.

For my last night in the US, I worked out in the hotel fitness center and swam on the pool on the hotel roof. Now I'm going to re-pack my stuff and go to sleep.
Next time I write, it will be from Guinea.
Goodnight, world!

travel notes

I wrote a lot in my journal today, mostly during my flight from Phoenix to Philadelphia. Now I am in my hotel room, and pretty tired after a brief workout and a shower.
Here are some of the things I wrote today on the way.

I am sitting on a B757 at Sky Harbor Airport, waiting to take off. Apparently there is a mechanical issue with the lavatory, so we're waiting on maintenance. I am sitting next to a quiet big guy whose foot keeps twitching.
In 4 or 5 hours, I'll be in Philadelphia. Peace Corps registration/orientation is tomorrow afternoon. We're leaving for Guinea the following morning, from New York.
I said my goodbyes at the airport a couple of hours ago. Samad, Diane, and my mom came to the airport to drop me off. I cried a little in the security line.
At Gate A-22, I met a tall thin bearded man with wild curly hair and a yellow yoga mat. I told him, "I wish I had my yoga mat, too." And we ended up talking for a while about yoga and Peace Corps, because it turns out that he served in Morocco in the early 90s. He now has a Bikram yoga studio in New York. He was pleasant to talk to, and he gave me some fresh blueberries.

"The light of consciousness is all that is necessary. You are that light."
-Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth (I was re-reading that on the plane)

also,

"You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge."
-Eckhart

I am flying! Finally... the bathrooms are working but the cabin smells like pee. I am listening to John Legend on my iPod and looking out the window.
I see patches of shadows on the Earth, from the clouds. To the people down there, they must thing the whole world is gray. But they can't see that they're surrounded in light in all directions! They can't see the bigger picture. And who can blame them?
Light will come back when the clouds pass. It always does.

I have faith in people.
I know that inside of all of us, there is something divine. There is something good. and that thing is love.
I must remember to be patient with people, and with myself, because I too forget sometimes that I am love. And after all, life is about forgetting and remembering and forgetting and remembering again.

I'm still flying! I am flying over a part of the US that is green and fertile. There is frost outside of my window.

While it was hard to say goodbye to my loved ones, I am somehow glad to be free to re-create myself and re-invent myself. I am a river, always changing. In constant flux. When I return, I will be the same, but different.
My pen hits the paper and everything is different already--I wasn't writing much the last few months. Though I've been dry for years, the water is always in me, waiting to gush out. Even when I don't write, I'm still a writer!

Note to self:
Remember to breathe
Remember to meditate
Remember to be the space
Remember to be the light
Remember to love
Remember to laugh because nothing is that serious. Nothing!
Remember silence (in other words, don't talk all the time... listen!)

We will land in Philadelphia soon and I see green farmlands below. I almost remember seeing the same places on my way to France ten years ago (I stopped in Philly on the way there, too, when I was an exchange student.)
In a way, it's the same. My life will change in ways I won't know-- but it's completely different.
It's beautiful down there. The world is beautiful. And so small.

bye bye AZ

I am going to Philadelphia tomorrow... then to Guinea on Tuesday.

Well. Seeya later!

saying 'au revoir' to everyone

Last night was my going-away party at my sister Joy's house. It was very nice. My sister and my mom, Joy, Carrie, and Tony (my awesome bro-in-law) pitched in and got me an iPod touch!
My dad and Maria and Irene came down from northern AZ to say goodbye, too.

Thanks to everyone who came and showed support. You all mean so much to me!

I love you!

Au revoir...

packing and tying loose ends

The sky in Phoenix looks bigger today, with clouds streaked everywhere. This makes the world seem small, which I find comforting, considering that I'll be traveling halfway across it in about 9 days...

I am not very good at packing, so my mom is coming over on Sunday to help. She told me just to lay everything I'm bringing out on the bed and she'll organize it and make it fit in my suitcases. But the big problem is laying out the things to bring!
I have several packing lists from several sources and I am trying to combine this with my own knowledge about what I think I'll need and what I'll never use.

I went to Goodwill the other day, at my dad's suggestion, to find a second suitcase and found a pretty nice Samsonite for only 13 dollars. I also went shopping today and got a few more clothing items, some toiletries, a Swiss Army carry-on bag and some crayons and construction paper for the kids.
I will do my last minute shopping next week, when I have more money... I ran out of funds today! (Toiletries can be expensive.)

Stuff I still need (well not need, because I don't really need anything) but would like to pack:
-a solar battery charger and a Solio H1000 charger
-an iPod (I'm crossing my fingers for a miracle on this one)
-earplugs
-coloring books and magazines for the kids
-postcards for homestay family gifts
-16 passport photos
-a bunch of family photos for when I get homesick

I guess I'll just go down the Peace Corps list and make sure to set aside all the needed stuff and then get rid of or store all my other stuff. I will just leave a couple of boxes at my sister's house and my mom's house and the rest will have to go. It is hard to get rid of stuff, but also liberating. In fact, the universe told me the other day that in order to be free, you have to let go.
(By the way, Jessica, that includes getting rid of stressful thoughts!)

My going-away party is tomorrow at my sister's house. I get to say goodbye to my family and closest friends. The world is small. The sky is vast. Everything is perfect.

shortening the list

My dad and stepmom helped me to shorten my list of needed items. I spent last week in California surfing and visiting my grandparents, and my dad took me shopping for some stuff on my packing list. He helped me out a LOT by getting me stuff like a shortwave radio, shoes, clothes, school supplies, a Camelbak, a headlamp, a poncho, a watch, and more.
THANK YOU so much Dad and Maria Elena! I really appreciate the help :)

My going away party is on Saturday and I have 12 days left until staging. I am trying to stay calm and productive...

address in Guinea

This will be my address in Guinea:

Jessica LEFLER, PCV
Corps de la Paix Americain
B.P. 1927
Conakry, Guinea
West Africa

received staging information

I got an email from Peace Corps staging today. It told me about my staging, which will be on July 6th in Philadelphia.
We will have registration, then a four hour training session, during which we will discuss:
- Peace Corps mission
- anxiety and aspirations
- managing risk (safety)
- policies
- reflect on commitment to serve
- logistics and departure/arrival info

Then next morning, we will get our shots and get on a bus to JFK airport. Our flight for Guinea departs from JFK at 5:50 pm. We will have a short layover in Brussels and then go on West Africa, stopping in Dakar before we arrive in Conakry, Guinea. I will arrive in Guinea at 5:50 pm on July 8, 2009.

...later...

I just called the Peace Corps travel people to arrange for my tickets to staging in Philadelphia. I am leaving Phoenix on July 5th in order to be on time for the staging on the sixth.

practicing my French

I got an email from the PC Guinea desk yesterday, saying that they had received my resume and aspiration statement. They said that my staging (2-3 day orientation before departure) is in Philadelphia on July 6-7. I will be receiving my staging instructions soon.
Then they said that I should practice my French, ideally completing 40 hours of Rosetta Stone before I leave.
I looked at Rosetta Stone online that is provided for Peace Corps invitees and found that it was much too basic. Still, I guess it's helpful to practice speaking it anyway, even if it's just like "je mange une pomme et du riz..."
Since I am already somewhat fluent in French, I have decided to read some novels out loud to practice spoken French and my accent. I am starting with something I read in one of my senior French classes: Ecriture feminine en Afrique et aux Antilles. The novel is called La Petite Peule by Mariama Barry, a woman born in Senegal of Guinean descent.
This book is actually quite à propos to my assignment because it talks about Peuhl customs and traditions, and the Peuhl is the largest ethnic group in Guinea-- about 40 percent of the population. And part of the novel actually takes place in Guinea.

Je vous aime!

suggested packing list

I found these suggested packing lists on www.friendsofguinea.org from returned volunteers. Then there are Peace Corps packing lists too... I have a lot of stuff to get.

clothes
3 khakis/slacks
2 long skirts
1 jeans
5-8 tank tops
4 button down shirts
1 modest swimsuit
1 pair Teva/Chaco sandals
1 pair athletic shoes
1 pair nice shoes (sandals)
1 raincoat or poncho
25 pairs cotton underwear
6-8 bras
5-8 pairs cotton socks
1 cotton pajama
5-8 bandanas
1 sweater
1 hat
1 waterproof watch
1-2 nice outfits for dancing
1-2 professional outfits

teaching supplies
ink pens, mostly red
school bag
accordion file
grade books (graph paper)
construction paper
scissors
Scotch tape
duct tape
calculator


miscellaneous
hair clips/bobby pins
Nalgene bottle
Camelbak
Leatherman
pocket knife
headlamp
flashlight
pillow
music
can opener
spices
makeup
washcloth
towel
art supplies (Prismacolor)
7 day pill holder
journals/spiral notebooks
a couple of good books
ear plugs
garlic press
spatula
good knife
tea
toothpaste
toothbrushes
deodorant
seeds for garden
sunglasses
kid books
book light

application status update: dental clearance is complete

I got the email today. So I should be receiving staging instructions soon.

more stuff to do...

I am starting to feel a low-level anxiety at all of the things I have to do in the next five weeks before I leave. This includes:

1. write up and send off my aspirational statement
2. update and send off my resume
3. get rid of my dog
4. get rid of my car
5. get rid of everything else
6. find a place to store everything I want to keep but don't want to bring
7. pack my stuff
8. make a bunch of money and put it aside
9. cancel services I will no longer need
10. try to fit in as much quality time with my loved ones as humanly possible
11. put my loans into deferment
12. find someone to take care of other financial obligations while I'm away
13. not freak out!

I finished my dentist stuff today, after a three hour dentist appointment. I got my fillings on teeth #4 and 5. Then the dentist advised me that I should probably go ahead and fill #19 and 30 as well. I was trying to explain to her that yeah okay, I will do that soon but right now I just need 4 and 5 so I can finish my paperwork and that I will come in later for the others. I need to get this dental clearance before I can receive my plane tickets to the staging prior to my departure. It took a while to get that across to her and get the letter saying that I had done just that. When I left, half my face was numb and I looked like a stroke victim.
Oh and the price of these two fillings? $500! Five hundred dollars! Woah. So I signed up with their office dental insurance for a one time fee of 68 dollars for the year and the total then came to $290.
Pricey, pricey.

Okay so I'm off to write my aspirational statement...

things are happening

I called the Peace Corps today to officially accept my assignment. It's happening!
The woman I spoke with told me to fill out my visa and passport applications and send them off right away. I FedExed them today.
The next step is to update my resume and write and aspiration statement to send off to Guinea.
Tomorrow I am visiting the dentist to get another filling on a tooth that is not a cavity, but has potential. That will complete my dental clearance and then I can get my staging tickets.

I am also reading a lot of information in the Guinea Welcome book, which is available at:

http://www.peacecorps.gov/welcomebooks/gnwb675.pdf

I received my invitation today

Someone rang my doorbell and it was a FedEx guy with a big fat envelope from Peace Corps. I signed for it and went back inside. I sat for a moment with my friend Diane, holding the envelope in my hands, relishing the moment before I knew my life would change, before opening it to find large blue folder containing all kinds of information and documents.
Long story short, I am invited to serve as an Education Volunteer (secondary math) in the Republic of Guinea. My orientation begins on July 6-8, followed by my three months training in Guinea and two years service, ending in September of 2011.
I have ten business days to respond.

What's my response? Easy. Yes.
I am experiencing an array of emotions along the spectrum between fear and love. But I have to say that love always wins.
I am writing a list of all the things I need to take care of before I leave, which include getting rid of my car and my dog, storing my books, paying some bills, canceling my cell phone service and gym membership, and others...

Here is some information on Guinea, a Francophone West African country.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/country_profiles/1032311.stm

https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/gv.html

officially invited... still don't know where or when

I got an email today telling my that my status had been updated on the online toolkit again. So I checked it and it said, Congratulations! You have been invited to become a Peace Corps volunteer.
It said that my invitation is in the mail and that I will get it soon. That's when I'll find out which country and when I'll be leaving.

I'm feeling pretty lightheaded right now.
Wow.

spoke to Placement Officer today

Just got off the phone with my placement officer. She asked some questions about my skills and background in math. She was wondering why I was nominated for a math teaching position when I had a degree in French and Creative Writing. I told her that I had an extensive background in engineering which included a lot of math courses beyond calculus.
She said that my application is what she calls an "almost match." She said that I am basically qualified for math teaching since I've taken at least calculus 1 and 2, but that since I have no declared minor or major in math or a related field, she will have to call my host country and ask them if they want me anyway.
She then said that she will call me as soon as she gets the answer. If the answer is no, she will try to place me in another program, either teaching English or as a Community Development volunteer.
Then she asked whether I had any questions. I asked her about her experience as a volunteer in Senegal. She said it was hard, but good-- pretty much the standard answer from returned volunteers. Then I asked her if she could tell me which country I might be going to teach math. She said she can't tell me and that I will find out when I get an invitation.

So I still don't have a timeline or location, but it's looking like Africa, and it's looking like July.

application status update

I received an email this morning from Peace Corps saying that my application status had been updated and telling me to check my online toolkit. I signed in and it said "Peace Corps has completed your placement review. There are no holds on your account at this time."
So I guess that's another step.

email from Placement Officer, requesting phone interview

I got an email today from my Placement Officer, who works with the Africa region, asking me to schedule a phone interview next week. I scheduled it for next Wednesday at 10 am. She says this is to complete the final evaluation of my application.
I will write more on Wednesday when I have more info.

Medical Clearance! It's official!

I got the letter today :)

Dental clearance still pending, but I can still get an invitation without dental. I just have to have dental clearance before I can get my plane tickets...

Medically cleared (?) I think...

I got back from Rocky Point, Mexico yesterday (it was awesome... I swam with the dolphins and did yoga on the beach) and found an email from Peace Corps saying my application status had been updated on the online toolkit. I signed in and it said that a decision has been reached regarding my medical clearance and that I should wait for a letter in the mail. Hmm.
Then today I got another email from a Placement Officer asking to fill out some addendums about my teaching/tutoring experience so that they can move my file forward.
So I guess this means I'm medically okay...
I'll let you know when I get the letter :)

Still pending medical clearance

I sent off my completed (or so I thought) medical and dental documents in the second week of February.
A couple of weeks ago, I got my dental folder back, asking for clearer bitewing x-rays. So I went back to the dentist and they hooked me up with the needed x-rays, free of charge since it was sort of their fault. I sent it back to them.
Last week I got a letter from the medical clearance desk asking for a missing Hep-B antigen test, which my doctor had somehow missed. It also asked for documentation on a tetanus shot within the last five years. So I went back to the doc, got the shot (since I don't know if I've had a tetanus shot recently) and the blood test. My doc called and said that I don't have Hepatitus-B, and that she's sending the docs in the mail. As soon as I get those, I'll fax them to the medical desk.
Today I received my dental packet AGAIN... I guess that my teeth #4 and #5 are showing some decay and I need to have fillings or something. I think this is pretty lame too, since I just got fillings in January on some other teeth, so why didn't they do 4 and 5 too? Well. I guess I have to go back and pay up. I canceled my dental insurance after I got my wisdom teeth out, so it might be expensive.
But it's a process. And there is perfection in the process...

Peace

my veins are easy to find...

so it wasn't hard to draw four vials of blood for the required tests. I also had a urine test and a "woman's test," which is always super exciting! Ha.

The exciting thing is that I am done with all of my necessary doctor and dentist and therapist appointments! Now I just have to wait for the lab results and then I can mail in all my documents and get an actual official invitation to volunteer.

I have been working a lot lately to try and come up with some extra cash for the doctors appointment, which turned out to be about $340 since I don't have insurance. But this morning I came to the happy realization that past Jessica had left a wonderful gift for present Jessica: a health savings account from my old job! Woah. That was so thoughtful of past Jessica. I'll have to thank her!

Side note:
I went to a nurse practitioner in Phoenix who was incredibly helpful and considerate. She took her time to make sure she was filling out all of the necessary sections in the Peace Corps paperwork and she was pleasant and professional. I have had a lot of doctors and even nurse practitioners in the past who have been quite unpleasant and rushed. If you are looking for some good healthcare in the Phoenix area, you may want to consider her as a primary care provider. Her name is Agnes Oblas and here is her website with contact and other info: http://www.newpathshealth.com/
I would give her two thumbs up!

Peace!

still working on medical clearance...

Nothing really new to report except that it's pretty hard to find an affordable place to get theses physicals done. Urgent care turned out to be a bad idea as most of them won't do some of the necessary tests. Family physicians charge an arm and a leg and I have very short limbs and no insurance!

So I have an appointment with a nurse practitioner on Monday, but I will still need a physician's co-signature on the forms. I dropped off the forms at her office the other day so she knows exactly what I'll need. She will call me with a price estimate, but she says it will be at least 200, probably more.
The Peace Corps will reimburse up to 165, but for the rest I'm on my own.

In the meantime, I've just been working,working out, doing a lot of yoga and writing silly haikus.
Oh and I'm reading like five books right now including:
A Farewell to Arms by Hemingway
Wicked by Gregory Maguire
The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life by Thomas Moore
Ariel by Sylvia Plath
and the Tao Te Ching (Stephen Mitchell's translation)

Here are my current favorites from the Tao:

"Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn't possess,
acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever."

"In dwelling, live close to the ground."

"He allows things to come and go.
His heart is open as the sky."

"All things have their backs to the female
and stand facing the male.
When male and female combine,
all things achieve harmony."

wisdom teeth are gone!

So now I'm done with the dental paperwork.
Below is a poem I composed today, as the pain has left me inspired:

On the extraction of my upper wisdom teeth

my face is round—a moon
or a pumpkin
and I cannot smile

my dog is near me, on the couch
happily chewing his bone

this day,
and every day,
is the best day of his life

he is soft and stupid and yet
so enlightened

I smile, and my face aches
and I laugh because the vicodin makes
me loopy

my face is round
and I am a pumkin
and a dog
and a smile

prepping for wisdom teeth extraction tomorrow

I had my consultation with an oral surgeon yesterday and made the appointment for my wisdom teeth extraction. The surgery will cost me 500 dollars, after insurance. Yikes.

The procedure includes general anesthesia, so I will take a few days off work after to let the effects wear off and to allow my big swollen face to deflate. After that, I'll get the medical clearance out of the way... fun :)

dental clearance underway and patience like the Buddha

The bad news is that I've been a blog-slacker, but the good news is that I haven't been slacking in getting things done!

I spent a good portion of my last couple of days at the dentist's office getting my paperwork filled out. I went there on Tuesday morning for my 8:00 appointment (why did I DO that after only sleeping 3 hours?) and I didn't get in to see anyone until about 8:50.
Then I gave them my Peace Corps forms to fill out and they seemed to get really confused. They did about 18 x-rays of my teeth for the Full Mouth Set (FMS) that the Peace Corps requires. Then I waited in the waiting room for another 45 min. Then I saw the dentist, who poked around my mouth and told me I have two small cavities that require fillings, but an otherwise healthy mouth (I was relieved because I haven't seen a dentist in like 7 years...). Then they did another x-ray-- the one that goes around your head and beeps like a robot. The dentist looked at that and told me that I need to get my wisdom teeth out too. He wrote me a referral for an oral surgeon in their adjacent office (my appointment for that is next Monday). Then I waited for another hour or so (luckily I had a book to read) before I got my teeth cleaned.
Of course they told me to floss more often. I really should.
I pestered them for copies of the FMS and pestered them even more to make sure my form was completely filled out.
Then I paid 30 dollars in co-pays and made an appointment for the following day, yesterday at 13:20.

Yesterday, after a difficult workout with my trainer, I returned to the office at 13:00, only to be accused of missing my appointment, which was apparently at noon. I showed the desk lady the card that said 1:20 and she got me in right away. I got numbed up and got the fillings in what was a much quicker appointment than the previous day. My insurance covered most of the fillings, so I ended up paying 60 dollars.

Now I just have to call my insurance and beg for them to cover my wisdom teeth extraction!
Then I can get cracking on the medical forms. Eek.

And now, a word on patience:

In all the waiting and misunderstanding, I felt the ever-present pull of my ego, who wanted to be annoyed, impatient, and outraged by the incompetence of the people who worked there. However, I reminded myself to be like Buddha and chill out!
So I meditated, right there in the office, focusing on the sqaure pattern on the carpet and breathing in and out. I felt the love coming out of my being, blessing everyone around me.
As I was leaving both times, I thanked the women who collected my money and told them sincerely that I appreciated what they do. I saw the changes in their demeanors, surprised and touched by my kindness, they smiled and returned the thanks.

My purpose in life is to bless the world-- the people around me. If I can make that happen in a busy and hectic dentist's office, I can make it happen anywhere.
Note to self (and others): Remember to breath and smile. Radiate kindness and love no matter how annoyed you may feel. Then the annoyance will dissolve into peace.