home again

Well.

For those of you who don't already know, I have left Peace Corps Nicaragua for personal reasons and health reasons and I'm back in the states.

My emotions are mixed, but I feel that I've made the right decision for myself. Now I'm staying near the beach with my sister and trying to recoup and recover.

I hope someone out there enjoyed this blog... I've enjoyed writing it and I've learned a lot in my Peace Corps adventures, however brief they were.

I learned how to hand wash my clothes and to teach English and math; how to live without running water and electricity, and how to speak Spanish.

Now let's see if I can find a career that will utilize those skills!

Peace

Paix

Paz

random thoughts

It's 10:35, which is about 3 hours past my typical bedtime.

Here are somethings I look forward to at my site:

1. time to unwind and rest, finally
2. having my own routine to work and workout
3. choosing what and when to eat, and cooking for myself
4. finally unpacking
5. good coffee (café de palo)

Here are some things I really miss:

1. my family and friends
2. sushi
3. froyo
4. the gym
5. yoga classes
6. Trader Joe's
7. blending in
8. easy travel
9. Netflix
10. feeling pretty/feeling clean

Well. Good night.

I am a volunteer, again

I attended my second swearing-in ceremony this morning and swore in as a volunteer. I gave a speech in Spanish to thank the host families. My host mom came to support me. I was sad to say goodbye to her. She has been such a good mom and I will miss her. We sang the national anthem and Nicaragua's national hymn, and the US ambassador led the swear-in. We took a grip of pictures... well everyone else did. (My camera doesn't work so well lately.)

After the ceremony, I went with my girls Meg and Kellz and we treated ourselves to a celebratory McFlurry. For dinner, all of the new volunteers of NICA 54 went to our country director's home for an "early Thanksgiving dinner" celebration. She made us turkey, vegetables, yams, stuffing, pies and more. It was delicious and we were all very thankful for some familiar food.

Tomorrow I am making my way to my site. It will be a long trip with lots of bags and chaos on the buses, so wish me luck.

swearing in, in a week

Finally it's the last week of training. This last month has been one of the hardest of my life, which is why I haven't updated the blog in a while. I didn't want to spread negative energy out into the universe. But it turns out that I am going to make it after all. I remembered that I was made of nothing but love. Everything is love!
So once I make it through this week, my long and grueling training will be over and on Monday, the 22nd, I will swear in as a volunteer in Managua. I will give a speech in Spanish to thank the training host families. Pictures will be posted. It will be a joyous occasion.
Then on Tuesday the 23rd, I am moving to my site in the mountainous Jinotega region up north. My site is located in between two major cities: Jinotega City and Esteli City. It is a small site, but it has electricity and running water and an internet cafe. There is no sewage system, so most people use latrines, but I have lived in Guinea and I fear nothing!
I will spend Thanksgiving in Jinotega City with a bunch of other local volunteers at a potluck party. I will spend Christmas back in my training town in the Masaya region with my training family.
Send me gifts for Christmas if you want, to either address. Just let me know.
Send me love and I will always be sending love to everything and everyone. Everything is as it should be.

teaching haikus

Well it's been a while since I've updated. I spent last week in Jinotega, teaching English classes in their huge public high school. I taught 8th, 9th, and 10th graders, with an average class size of about 55 students. It was exhausting, but very rewarding. It was especially hard because I was still getting over the last of my dengue fever, so I was really weak and tired, which made it difficult to plan creative and innovative lessons. However, I did it, and I felt very empowered as a result.
We came back to our training towns on Friday and we've been back to work with Spanish classes, technical sessions, our grupo de jóvenes, and co-teaching.
Today I co-taught my first class in my training town. It was a lesson on reading and writing to a class of 10th graders, and I taught them how to write haikus in English. The current topic is Natural Disasters, so I gave them descriptive vocabulary and had them write poems that describe one of the disasters (hurricane, tornado, volcanic eruption, tsunami, Earthquake, etc...) It was a tough class, as I knew it would be because teaching reading and writing is challenging in any language.
My grupo de jóvenes has been especially challenging too. Last night we had a meeting scheduled at 6:00 pm, as usual, and no one showed up. It seems like our chavalos like to show up for our meetings to play games and do dinámicas with us, but when it comes to actually working on their community project, they lose interest. The community project is to create a manual of useful English phrases for the local artisans and shop owners who sell to gringo tourists. When we give them simple homework assignments, they blow them off. Last night, Kellie and Megan and I waited until 6:30 and we went home. I don't know whether the project will get done or not, but we only have a couple of weeks left in this town, so I guess we'll see.
On a more exciting note, site assignment is tomorrow! Peace Corps is finally going to tell us where we'll be living for the next two years, so I'll email you all this weekend to tell you the exciting news. Next week is our site visit, so I will be spending five days in my site, getting to know my counterparts and my (potential) new host family. After that, swearing-in is only two weeks away...
Oh yeah, and I feel a lot better. The dengue effects are pretty much gone. I am able to walk again in the mornings and do my yoga workouts. Today I went and ran some steps (like bleachers) and did a good 45 minutes of yoga before my bucket bath and Spanish class.
And my Spanish has increased by two levels, putting me at Intermediate-Mid-Strong. But I'm going to keep learning. In two years, I'll talk like a Nica!
Ok, well I love you all. Thanks for the stickers, Joy! And thanks for the letters, Dad.

crazy fused mutant banano

I'm alive!

I got that Jackson Browne song playing in my head: "I'm alive!"

Okay, laugh at me if you want to, but there were a few days, mid-dengue, when I really didn't know if I was going to make it. Call me dramatic, but I was crying and terrified for a while there. I knew that the brief stint of depression was only because I was sick and I knew I'd feel better mentally once my physical status improved. I was right, too. Because even though I'm still very weak and tired, I feel my strength coming back and I feel happy again.

It's 6 am here in Managua and I'm getting ready to get on a Peace Corps bus for a long trip up to the Jinotega region, up north and in the mountains. I will be there until Friday, shadowing a Nicaraguan teacher and teaching a few classes. This is week 7 of training, aka "Practicum Week." At the end of week 8, we will have "site assignment," which means I'll finally find out where I'll be living for the next 2 years.

So training will finally be over before I know it, gracias a Dios!

Love you all so much, and so thankful for your support!

good news

Even though my platelet count is far from normal, it has come up 1,000 since yesterday! (It has decreased about 38,000 in the last 5 days). So at least it's not decreasing anymore! I have to stay tonight in Managua as well, but hope to get back to my site tomorrow after doing a few more tests.

My palms are itchy and I have some rashes on my arms, but my doc said it's okay and it's part of the dengue. My body is still achy and tired, but less than yesterday. My headache comes and goes, but its frequency has decreased. Now I'm in the "recovery" phase, and according to Wikipedia, the "recovery may be associated with prolonged fatigue and depression." My doc says that I might feel this way for a up the three weeks, but I'm hoping for a quicker recovery.

Take that dengue! I'm gonna kick your butt! I'm going to live!

dang dengue

I'm in a hotel in Managua because the Peace Corps doctors have to monitor my platelets and vital signs in this stage of dengue fever. This is definitely the worst sickness I've ever experienced-- worse than malaria and worse than amoebas!

It started with a headache last week on Wednesday. On Thursday, I had a headache and felt fatigued. I thought maybe I was just dehydrated, so I just drank lots of water. By Thursday night, my body started aching and when I went to bed, I got a bad case of chills and a high fever. I took some Tylenol and tried to sleep. On Friday morning, I called the PC docs to tell them about my fever and symptoms. They told me to go to the nearest lab and get some bloodwork. I didn't attend my training sessions. I stayed in bed all day, feeling awful and crying under my mosquito net! On Saturday, I still had the fever and I missed out on the trip to the volcano. By Sunday, my fever had passed, but I still felt achy and weak. On Monday I got more bloodwork, which indicated that my platelets were continuing to decrease, so the docs asked me to come to Managua for further testing. I came to Managua this morning and I still feel awful. My bones feel achy and I have an intense headache that comes and goes. I had some more bloodwork done, but haven't heard the results yet.

For now I'm in a hotel room watching Friends (in English!) and trying to relax. On the plus side, there is hot running water here so I'll get my first real shower in about a month and a half!

I know this post is a little sad, but this has been hard for me both physically and emotionally. However, I know that once my health improves, I'll feel happier and get back to my training with enthusiasm and joy!

Send me some good vibes...

oh yeah

On an unrelated note from the last blog, I went to this supermarket in a nearby city today. It's called Pali and I found out that it's owned by Wal-Mart. Wow. Wal-Mart is taking over the world!

Also, a word about transport in Nicaragua: one of the primary forms of transport is by busses. The busses here are recycled US school busses-- the yellow ones! They paint the busses with bright colors and build racks above the seats and "personalize" them with quotes from the Bible or stickers with Pokemons, Jesus, the saints or cartoon characters. They fill the busses above capacity and people stand in the aisles on the way to wherever they're going.
On the upside, it's cheap. And it's slightly more pleasant than west African bush taxis... I'll have to post pics soon.

Peace out :) I'm going to go eat bean soup.

starting a wish list for Christmas

So I'm doing a lot of lesson planning and for Christmas, I'm requesting teaching supplies this year.
Here's the list so far, and I'll update it as I think of other stuff:

construction paper
white paper
stickers (like those little stars)
lots of crayons
a lot of packing tape (I use it to "laminate" reusable materials)

I'll probably make a separate wish list for people who want to send me fun stuff, like hot sauce or chocolate or other luxuries!

Love you all...

nada mucho

Hello, world. I am in the internet spot downloading the first episode of Season 2 of Glee on my iTunes. (Sometimes, on the rainy days, or on the sick days, it's good to watch an American sitcom on my computer under my mosquito net.) The internet is so slow here, iTunes estimates that it will take 7 hours to download this 45 minute episode. So in the meantime, I thought I'd write a blog.

Everything is fine here. I've been busy in training, working with my group of teens and learning Spanish. There have been some unexpected bumps in the road which have prevented me from co-teaching at the local high school, but if all goes well, I'll be co-teaching this Thursday.

It's been fun working with the local teens. They seem to have a lot of fun in our meetings. Last week, we gave our first "charla" in Spanglish. (We were supposed to do it in English, but our kids don't understand it at all, so we helped them out by mixing it up.) Anyway, we gave a charla about responsibility and dreams of their futures. It was a good talk and we felt like we were actually communicating with the kids about something important.

In other news, the tropical storm Mateo has passed and the sun is finally shining. This is great news because I can actually get up and run or walk again in the mornings. I've been faithful with my yoga, though. It keeps me sane and balanced! And since the storm is gone, Peace Corps is no longer on "standfast," which is good news.

I don't really have much else to say. Everything is fine. I still love my host family and I think it's beautiful here. I'm grateful for this opportunity and incredibly thankful to all those who have been writing letters. Whenever I get letters, it makes my day!

Just know that I'm happy and healthy and that I'm exactly where I need to be. I love you all.

Nica 54 photos

a miracle

and here's some Buddhist wisdom from Thich Nhat Hanh (Be Free Where You Are) to help us get through these busy hot days and the possible tropical storm that could hit this weekend:

Dear friends, you are nothing less than a miracle. There may be times when you feel that you are worthless. But you are nothing less than a miracle. The fact that you are here—alive and capable of breathing in and out—is ample proof that you are a miracle. One string bean contains the whole cosmos in it: sunshine, rain, the whole earth, time, space and consciousness. You also contain the whole cosmos.

more photos

As promised, here are some newer photos: my new sandals/pedicure, a giant avocado, and some photos of our grupo de jóvenes.

yo soy gringa

I spent some time this past weekend looking over the pages of my journal-- I went back two years and I was surprised at a few things:
1. I am a decent writer-- I was enchanted at my own spurts of creativity with language. Of course some entries are boring rants, but they are interspersed with insightful anecdotes and poetry.
2. I have created goals for myself and I have achieved or am currently acheiving them! I envisioned what I wanted my life to look like, and so far, it has manifested itself accordingly*(see below)
3. I have grown and blossomed in so many ways. I have been to so many places and seen so many things.

I thanked past Jessica for writing all these things for present Jessica to read. There were things that I might have otherwise forgotten. There were sour memories and happy memories and helpful insights in times of sorrow.
I read about Tucson and Phoenix and Africa. About past boyfriends and friends and triumphs and worries. Many of them seem so small and distant now, but I have learned from all of them.
A year ago at this time, I was in Guinea, almost finished with my Peace Corps training. It was Ramadan and I was exhausted, teaching summer school. At the time, I was reading this wonderful gem of a book called Be Free Where You Are by Thich Nhat Hanh. I borrowed this book from my fellow trainee, Jake. I copied long passages of this book into my journal, and I found it comforting all over again. He talks about living peacefully and doing things mindfully. He talks about smiling at oneself and using mindfulness to deal with anger. I would recommend this book to anyone!

In other news, I traveled to a larger town this weekend with my host sister. We went to an artisan's market where I bought some new leather sandals (picture coming soon) and a much-needed pedicure. My toenails are still damaged from my Grand Canyon hike back in February, and the lady giving the pedicure was really hurting me. I was actually crying, and my sister called me la llorona! Later, I went to church with my host mom. It was the first time I've been to church in about ten years. It was a Baptist-type church, and the service was similar to services I used to attend when I was younger and religious. There were some songs and some clapping, a few prayers for some sick people, and a sermon. I was impressed with myself because I understood almost all of the sermon in Spanish!
Even though I'm not religious (mostly spiritual in a yogic way), it was a good experience, both culturally and socially. I got to meet more people in my community. And it was some good quality time with my host mom. She is wonderful.
During the sermon, there were two butterflies chasing each other in aerial circles around the church in some kind of mating ritual. It was a lovely dance.

Oh yeah, and I was sick last week on Friday. I spent the day in bed after doing the required poo test. Ew! No parasites... I guess it was my stomach adjusting to the food. I drank my rehydration salts and slept a lot and felt much better by Saturday afternoon.
I also bought a sim card for my phone and now have a Nica number. For those of you who want to call, please email me and I will give you the number if you don't have it already.
For now I have to go and plan my English lesson for my grupo de jóvenes tomorrow. Pictures coming soon...
Peace and love!


*in addition to manifesting my conscious goals, I realized that I have also manifested certain unconscious attitudes and concepts I've had, which haven't necessarily been positive. For example, if I thought that men were flaky and untrustworthy, that would be the experience that would manifest itself in my life. Because I expect them to be a certain way, that is the experience that I would subconsciously create for myself. To correct this, I have made a new list of how I'd like my life to look. I was careful to make this list positive and to re-think the way I look at people and myself. Since I would like to see more integrity and responsibility in other people, I must have more integrity and responsibility in my own life. It's like Ghandi says: "Be the change you want to see in the world." Then your world will begin to change. The proof is in my journal, and in my life. (And in the pudding! Hahah.)

fiestas patronales

Hola amigos! This week is the celebration of the "fiestas patronales" in Nicaragua. September 14th and 15th are important historical dates here for the country's independence, so there should be a lot of interesting activities going on in my community, like parades and stuff. The schools don't have classes this week and most people have Tuesday and Wednesday off. This, of course, does not include Peace Corps. We have tomorrow off, but Wednesday we'll be back in business, baby. And training is just about to get real.
Next week I'll be observing, and possibly co-teaching my first class in the secondary school. This week we have 2 meetings with the grupo de jóvenes that we formed in the community. We will also have to travel to a larger town on Friday and Saturday to meet with all the TEFLers and learn all about malaria and dengue fever (yaaay) and talk more about our future jobs as English professors in Nicaragua.
On a lighter note, tomorrow I'll be visiting the "Laguna de Apoyo" to do some swimming. Then I'll probably take the rest of the day to do some required reading and some leisurely reading and probably some yoga.
I am loving it here-- loving my family and loving my neighborhood. I love you all, too!

algunas fotos

training in Nicaragua

I really like it here. It's very beautiful and the people are cool. Hearing Spanish all the time is very tiring because I'm constantly trying to process what's going on. When people talk slowly, I understand most everything, but when they talk all slangy and fast, I understand maybe 50 to 75 percent. I am opening my mind, like a child, and letting it all in. In a few months, I'll be fluent. Mark my words!
My host family is really nice. I am very lucky to be in their home. The mom is a great cook and she is sensitive to my preferences, like no bread and very little rice. She washes my clothes for me, which is also awesome. Her kids are mostly adults, except at teen girl, who is also very cool. They have a bunch of dogs and I love them... a big German shepherd who watches over the yard and a smaller mutt named Junior who loves to be pet. There are a couple more violent perros, too, and they're enclosed in their own little area.
Our home has electricity most of the time, but sometimes it goes off because of the incredibly violent storms. We don't have running water, so I have to force flush the toilet and take bucket baths, like in Africa.
There was a really crazy storm the other night, my first night in the house, and it scared me a little. The rain pounded on the corrugated tin roof and woke me up. The thunder shook the ground. And even though my room has no windows, I could see the flashes of lightning... the electricity went out for the next 8 hours or so.
During the day I have about 6 hours of intense Spanish courses, and it's tiring but my language facilitator is awesome. She always gives us time to process what's going on and she teaches us relevant Nica slang.
One thing that really confuses me is the use of "vos" instead of "tú". This is tough because none of my grammar books conjugate this verb for me, so I can understand it but I can't use it yet. I use tú for now and they get it...
Okay well I'm off to the casa for una siesta.
Love you all... and even though I have internet access, I'll appreciate letters!

yo

I'm in Nicaragua and it's awesome. I'm moving in with my host fam tomorrow to start PST (la segunda vez). Wish me luck. I'll blog when I can.
So far it reminds me a lot of Guinea but of course it's very different and new. It's rainy and green, and in some ways it reminds me of Mexico as well. The Spanish is different and harder to understand.
I am open and ready. Let's do this!